I remember looking in the mirror and hating the 200lb person staring back at me. No matter how much I hated my reflection, why did I continue to not do anything about it and why did food run my life? The endless late night binges and constant failed diets manifested in many ways: I was overweight, unhealthy, lethargic, depressed, angry, bitter and sad and believed I had nothing great or extraordinary to offer anyone.
All my life, I was accountable for other people - from the young age of 16, I was taking care of my brother, father, our home, working and going to school. Unlike the other care free teenagers I knew who were partying, travelling, studying and living care free lives, I was surrounded by endless responsibilities, chores, long working hours and stress! My life felt boring and I was literally stuck in an endless self-sabotaging rut! I constantly compared myself to others; valued my worth by what I owned, and essentially believed that I was a no-body—not worth achieving any dreams I may have had. I tried to convince myself that I was meant to be fat, meant to be living a plain and ordinary life, and meant to be living to please and make others happy.
At the age of 22, I got married to a man who has been my rock in my life. I believe Len was the angel I needed to bring me through some very hard times in my life. I met my Husband when I was 17 – and have been with him ever since. However, despite the love and support he offered me, the motivation and confidence I needed to create the life of my dreams needed to be believed by ME and ME only… After marriage, I got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl – the light of my life! With all the amazing things happening in my life, why did I still feel like I was missing something? I could not deny the need I felt to live the life I deserved. A need that would ultimately set me on my path: To live my destiny.
I’d like to take you back to the time when I finally decided to listen to my needs and to make a change in my life:
It all started when I was celebrating my daughter’s first birthday and while indulging in my second helping of chocolate cake, I overheard some guests whispering about how I had really let myself go.
“What had I let go?” I started thinking. “What’s wrong with me? Do I look that terrible?”
I had already eaten two plates of lasagna, some pizza, a bowl of potato salad, and two large pieces of cake, along with some pastries. I put my fork down and went to the washroom teary eyed. I could not look at myself in the mirror – what had I become? The remainder of the night I felt miserable and ended up missing the joy of my daughter’s first birthday party.
It was not so much the comment that upset me but the realization that this was not the person I wanted to be, nor the example I wanted to set for my daughter. That evening, I made a promise to myself that I would no longer allow food or negative self talk take control of my life. I needed to do it differently though as I had failed every diet in the past. This time I was not going to give into my fears! This time I was going to succeed!
I felt a shift that night – and I knew that I was THE ONLY ONE who was responsible for my happiness, my dreams and essentially my life. I wasn’t miserable because I was so overweight – I was miserable because I had given up on myself and essentially became lazy to ME…
Over the years I have made diligent progress – achieving goals I never dreamed possible! There are no mistakes in life and we essentially create the lives we live in. Consistency and focus pays off – and I am thrilled to be sharing my experience with you and I cannot wait to see where this journey leads you!